06/08/14 I think

I’d like to update this for some reason and it haven’t posted in like a year because I’m not really on tumblr much these days. Moving turned out to be pretty good, I’ve found friends who don’t make me feel bad about myself, and who understand what I feel sometimes. Also, I feel like I can act stupid and they wouldn’t even care. If feels good to have people like that. I feel like though, I’ve been causing people to be distant. Like ive made peoples friendships not as strong. i dont know . My grades have been dropping. That’s cause I haven’t been caring much anymore. I’ve been feeling more sad, and I have to urge to start cutting again, but I know what’s for the best and that’s not the answer. It just sucks being the talentless friend. The lazy friend, it sucks a lot actually. I wish did sports, or that I was smart, or I am artistic , or something that I could do that made me someone who people would be like oh yeah I know her she can do this!! When in tfios they talk about how Augustus gears oblivion, I understand that. When hazel tells him that he shouldn’t feel like that because she would remember him, I dont feel like that. What if I died, or killed myself. I wouldn’t be known as an extraordinary person who has done many marvelous things in life who changed the world, I’d be known as dead. They’d only know me cause I killed myself. Cause I wasn’t breathing. Fuck wow that sucks.. But its the harsh truth, because I am another usless human that was created to populate the world. I hate myself.

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I am so thirsty for emotional and physical intimacy with someone 

I want to nuzzle their neck and lay entwined on my bed and lazily kiss their lips and make them food get to know every single curve and contour they have 

I want to touch someone with my finger tips and make them feel loved 

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